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A Prayer, I Guess

A Prayer, I Guess


I got still alright
I went within
Calmed a raging mind
And sat in my unthinkable moment
But nothing.
I yelled ‘now what?!’
Blank    nothingness

When the unthinkable happens
It seems, nothing snaps
Or jolts you from the life you had

The trees don’t lean a different way
Or die from the shock of change
In fact 
They shed leaves, as they do, and
New leaves decide it’s just another day, another season
And the racing heart and acid gut are at odds with the rhythm of the planet

That’s when you are supposed to get still
Allthewhile, synapses, like a firing squad,
Shoot down your tidy rows of expectations 
Leaving only the cobwebs of
of dreams
in the space between 
brain,    skull    and spirit


Yet, it was there in the silence
Like the yank of a tooth, or a push off the diving block
Like the keys to the house
The walk down the aisle

It was like those moments, when the vacuum in the unsaid is the nudge of a loving parent
The passing of a torch
Those moments that give meaning to time

The no-answer was all of that, a gift of belief


Pray, watch, share
There will be no sign or message, 
They are everywhere, always 
Find strength in the trees as they grow toward the light
Get to work with the next pulse of season
Take cues from its rhythm

The silence of no-answer
Said I can’t do the work for you
I have watched you grow and blessed you much
Now listen not for a word but an urging
Look not for an answer, but the quest in your question
And I, then, will be still, and listening for you 


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